hye people , is just me , today feeling very down .... whenever people just don't trust you anymore is the worst feeling ever.... to many things gonna changed after this , my life have change after i left the glamour moments ,,,yup people said is my choices ...but yeah ...i just miss being famous , being likable... but sometime we have to face the consequencesses . all my friends slowly slowly going away becoz i don't have the fame in me ...where i found my true friends.....only my love one that i have .... and i can depend on them ...they have thier own stress and unhappy time that they will just tell me and share with me ... but ...deep in i'm just sad .... silent moments thinking what i'm doing now? why things became this way ... but as human we are thought to think positive ....where we have to be grateful with wat we have in life .... it's not easy , easily said but when it comes it will be the worst feeling ever...

the moments on stage i can just describe , listening to the applause that people give you , admiring you and your music.... knowing that you have the talent in you no one ever take it away from you ...the bright spotlight pointing and shine on you , the heat of the light make it hotter and more energy to performed...
Tot came in ...small small voices around saying ' your the DIVA , the stage is your's, take it ' ...the smoke machine automatic eject the smoke , follow the flow of the song you sing .... on stage when the audience see it ' Your the DIVA , Your the SUPERSTAR ' ...
As for me just all the thoughts just came in , but one thing i always remind myself whenever i performed is ' always perform sincerely as if is the last performance that you will perform.'. I just miss all the moments....
just the new chapter of my story starting......

Forever love .....

To this point , now i realized things myself :) at first i didnt appreciate what i have but till he end when you lost it something that u always aspect more , then only we will realize that we didn'nt appreciate the person well....

After all the drama had happened, what really matters is the love is still there, that he felt i'm significant in his life , that he love me :) , that's all matter , in the relationship , we always aspect too much from the another person. Sometimes is very bad to aspect too much...

Yesterday, the sweetest thing happened in my life, a guy that I love so much came told me that ' You're important to me, and i still love you ' :) no one knows how happy i was, and Thank God for everything , really ..... for one month God is trying to teach me a lesson  and realize things by myself , and after all these while.... during those time i thought i can't hold on much longer, but God is always know your limit and how much you can hold it your limit to everything, to a point he will stop it :)

I felt i'm very lucky to have someone that still love me so much :) I'm so happy and i appreciate it allot ... Thank you Thank You Thank You:)

Just wanna do what i can do...

OMG , this is the hardest feeling in my life that i would have lost someone that i love, i have always want to understand things from his point of view , so that i do not expect things from him ... which is my mistake and i should not expect more in this relationship, because my mum always have thought me this , that the guy must do everything for a girl, that is the ideal of a man that is from her perspective.

I don't really understand what he is trying to do with me, i just hope the time past and will see what happened. Day by day i will be thinking of him , miss him , and love him . I'm not sure whether he does, whenever he went out with his girlfriends i will get jealous and just addresses the feeling that i have .. It's complicated and my mood its not stable at all , no one can help me but myself. I'm trying ...and i have to be strong ... i have to be strong...

The thing i guess i have hurt him  by mistreating him, his my lover , all he does is just to love me not more. Lover just love each other. Definition of love is all the things that effect someone. My feelings it;s so sad right now that i can't describe. He said he still love me , i will just wait , whatever it is i will take it strongly... God just let me be strong in accepting all the truth and letting me know what is the right thing..

Now i just focus on the new chapter that i want to build like how i use to do :) and let time decide for us if we pass this stage , things will be better i know :)

I miss everything about you

Sometime i just don't understand the love works? When i just commit in the relationship things just mess up and people tend to leave me and go....It's been a hard time for me ... my mum and all... i just don't know what is right and wrong anymore.... I'm just so sad ....:( it's complicated....

it all start from this chair the nite before the wedding .... it's one of the best day of my life  and the happiest where we are so innocent ....the love just came in....and strike my heart :) ....And now miss everything about you, can't believe i still want you , after all we have been through and i miss everything about you ...the songs 'I never told you ' by Colie Cailat ... just make me miss you more ... so i wrote something for him instead ... to tell him how i really felt now....

My heart said: 

i really miss going out with you where you just sayang me , 

held my hand like you will never let go ,

the words you said to me which makes me smile

whenever i think about it ...:) 

you make me smile whenever i'm sad ....

the things you have done no one done that for me ..

.i know you lost you way now...

but deeply i know u miss it too ...

just sometimes you can't handle it ...

sometimes i felt it's unfair ,

but that's go no where ,

I'll just wait 

until you come back

people said i'm dumb 

but no one know me better than myself

when i see you now,

you still sayang me like you used too

when you not here with me 

you will be normal and be friend

you tried to distance and tried not to be intimate with me with your words anymore

now the things that make me smiles 

it's the love we have 

and the memories we have ...

the little hope i have ..it's not wrong..

people said it's stupid but ..it's the love i have 

and it's not wrong...

The way you look at me yesterday ,

it's like a silent message to me

telling me you miss me so much 

the love is there...

I love you , 

God knows that ...

you know that ..

Time is all that matter ...

please don't waste the love we have , just don't give up ....

how i wish that i can turn back in time to correct everything that i done, now i just pray and hope ...i know the next chapter it's gonna be better than this... 

the second time...

hye to those who follow my blog and read every update, thank for listening to my story ...

Yesterday was the second time , I felt that i lost someone that I love , the situation was so similar, again it happened. I can't help it to cry out loud, this time I even mad with everyone surrounding that is involved. No one will know how hurt it is , they kept blaming me for being so 'me' , as i know people just can't stand my attitude ...next time I'm just got to remind people and tell me how is my dark side where people hate me for it .

I was so sad , that even his best friend scolded me for being like this and said I will always be like this forever, being alone no one will care :) Seriously today was the worst day, I kept on crying , people keep telling me not worthy but for me simple as long you love and be there for me and people will just know what i like and not if your close... No one knows how much i done  but keep blaming me for scolding them like how my mum did , scolded me , hmm i guess i can't changed it ....

WHat is Love means ? seriously is so damn hurtful , this time teruk , if you can said it hurt you , try being me :) He said he needs time... Stresses out .....hurtful..... plz understand .... but me?? Atleast the friends being there with him which previously also being friend with me does not even support us... wow....

As I'm writting my tear kept falling down... no one really knows how suffering it is , omg GOD plz help me , I can't stand where he win with his friends around with him to fight ... me i'm left alone again  as usual... omg God am I that bad to even have my closest friend ....I have been tahaning as well sometimes worst i still tahan why can't you? Isn't LOVE is love the way you are ? No matter hw bad is it ? For once I'm sure of myself that when it comes to this I just stay together no matter what.

Actually I'm like my mom , no matter how the guy hurt her , she stills there with my papa, my papa did many wrong but my mum still be with my papa and love him even though they kept on fight :) I proud to be like my mum, what's wrong with that ? Isn't you said will stay on.....You said you never leave ....

I'm so sad and hurt .......sometimes it's so hard :( No one can help me with this...



Love,
Me (ZL)

just want to release tension here.

After hearing Kelly Clarkson - Dark side I have this darkside of me that people don't know, only my close one who knows, knowing me people can see from the appearance I'm lovely , likable and friendly but to those who are close with me you know my real perangai :) hahaha even guy dump me because I'm like that. 

 People said my perangai like my mum , haha now i understand why i geram my mum so much because of her perangai, but unfortunately I'm the mirror of her. My love once can't stand me . Sometimes my parents always scold me , my perangai like this no one will tahan my attitude. hmm i guese they rite sometimes. 

When I was in secondary school, I'm lonely, hardly have any friends and always fight with others. Unlike my brother , so many people love him and make friends with him. Everytime whenever, either me and my brother b'day comes, my brother friends mostly will throw him b'day party. As for me I only have my love once and a few friends that are there :) During that time i did not appreciate that moments., i tend to find more more people to like me. Because I was too unhappy and unsatisfied with the things i have. I lost my closest friend. Since then, i never had a close friend. 

I remember those time when i have my closest friend i will share everything to her , call her everyday , and i love being with her:) She sayang me so much , at first before we became friend she was my enemy, cause of the influence of other, no one likes me that time. As time past we became best friends since form 2 and until secondary school ends. Those time every min and second we always spend time together ,people also thought we are lesbian, but who care she is my best friend and i love her. but eventhough we are best friend her parents don't really like me being her being friend until now i still don't know the reason why because she is my friend i respect her parents. Sometimes she have to lied for me whenever we go out together ..haha funny kan. ( now I'm the one who lie to go out ) just because her parents don't like me :( sad kan...but hmm now everything gone well, just now we are not so close anymore after she when to Australia and then we have a huge fight after than things changed. But in my heart she will always be my closest friend and i love her so much. 

However, I hated my secondary moments, there are too many things happened, things changed after I joined this competition DCT 07 , then i became a singing as i dream of being when i was young. Whenever i gotten it and my dream came true and now i'm someone :) things changed , it wasn't like i imagine. hmm nobody knows but me :(

Today we fought , his hurt by me. I hurt people, and somehow he kinda remind me that 'no one can tahan me' even my ex-bf dumped me and hurt me because of my perangai. Oh God , why i'm like this. I tried everything to make him happy , make him feel special and love but i failed. Now i don't know what to do but just shut up and being sad. Hmm people don't know the real me ?


Love
Me (ZL) 

FAMILY..

Family mean : a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family. According to Dictionary.com . Family mean everything to me, being part of my family is hard. For me even though sometimes there are problems that make us fight but at the end of the day Family is important no matter what. In my family , I'm the most naughty and the most stubborn among my siblings, i'm the one who always love to do things the way i wanted to without thinking and always taking the risk. I'm the one who always create a fight between me and my mum. I know most of the time i will hurt my her badly. But no matter what i will always love my family member, regardless how the way we being brought up , and I appreciate everything i have ,its just sometimes when a person is stress out, they will tend to hurt others. But when it comes to LOVE and family, we tend to choose LOVE than our family. This all begin whenever I started a relationship with the guy that i love. Because his different that the reason my family don't really agree with me being with him. Its sad ....no one know what i have been through and things that I faced were so difficult. However, Thank GOD i have an understand man that loves me and respect my family even though there are so many obstacles and challenges that me and him face. Its hard for me and its hard for him too. but however, we managed to solve it slowly , and hopefully one day my family can accept and know the good side of him.
I'm lucky to have someone like my boyfriend, who really sayang his family and me too. he brought me back to his home town and let me spend time with his family. He sometimes thought me allot of things and he always advice me. He always get mad whenever I fight with my family. He just want me to treat my Family good and always ask me to respect them, love and care for them. He shows me his family life and he let be live in his life. A guy who bring a girl back to see his family hehee:) Our love is so deep, but just this one problem with my family and his family, there are something his family don't like about me , and there are somethings that my family don't like about him, i can said its complicated .
Its normal to fight just remember not to hurt others especially your love once because they are the person who will be there for u till the end:) I just wanna said thank you to my sayang DIKI for loving and care for me all the time. I will always love you ,
love ME (ZL)