the second time...

hye to those who follow my blog and read every update, thank for listening to my story ...

Yesterday was the second time , I felt that i lost someone that I love , the situation was so similar, again it happened. I can't help it to cry out loud, this time I even mad with everyone surrounding that is involved. No one will know how hurt it is , they kept blaming me for being so 'me' , as i know people just can't stand my attitude ...next time I'm just got to remind people and tell me how is my dark side where people hate me for it .

I was so sad , that even his best friend scolded me for being like this and said I will always be like this forever, being alone no one will care :) Seriously today was the worst day, I kept on crying , people keep telling me not worthy but for me simple as long you love and be there for me and people will just know what i like and not if your close... No one knows how much i done  but keep blaming me for scolding them like how my mum did , scolded me , hmm i guess i can't changed it ....

WHat is Love means ? seriously is so damn hurtful , this time teruk , if you can said it hurt you , try being me :) He said he needs time... Stresses out .....hurtful..... plz understand .... but me?? Atleast the friends being there with him which previously also being friend with me does not even support us... wow....

As I'm writting my tear kept falling down... no one really knows how suffering it is , omg GOD plz help me , I can't stand where he win with his friends around with him to fight ... me i'm left alone again  as usual... omg God am I that bad to even have my closest friend ....I have been tahaning as well sometimes worst i still tahan why can't you? Isn't LOVE is love the way you are ? No matter hw bad is it ? For once I'm sure of myself that when it comes to this I just stay together no matter what.

Actually I'm like my mom , no matter how the guy hurt her , she stills there with my papa, my papa did many wrong but my mum still be with my papa and love him even though they kept on fight :) I proud to be like my mum, what's wrong with that ? Isn't you said will stay on.....You said you never leave ....

I'm so sad and hurt .......sometimes it's so hard :( No one can help me with this...



Love,
Me (ZL)

just want to release tension here.

After hearing Kelly Clarkson - Dark side I have this darkside of me that people don't know, only my close one who knows, knowing me people can see from the appearance I'm lovely , likable and friendly but to those who are close with me you know my real perangai :) hahaha even guy dump me because I'm like that. 

 People said my perangai like my mum , haha now i understand why i geram my mum so much because of her perangai, but unfortunately I'm the mirror of her. My love once can't stand me . Sometimes my parents always scold me , my perangai like this no one will tahan my attitude. hmm i guese they rite sometimes. 

When I was in secondary school, I'm lonely, hardly have any friends and always fight with others. Unlike my brother , so many people love him and make friends with him. Everytime whenever, either me and my brother b'day comes, my brother friends mostly will throw him b'day party. As for me I only have my love once and a few friends that are there :) During that time i did not appreciate that moments., i tend to find more more people to like me. Because I was too unhappy and unsatisfied with the things i have. I lost my closest friend. Since then, i never had a close friend. 

I remember those time when i have my closest friend i will share everything to her , call her everyday , and i love being with her:) She sayang me so much , at first before we became friend she was my enemy, cause of the influence of other, no one likes me that time. As time past we became best friends since form 2 and until secondary school ends. Those time every min and second we always spend time together ,people also thought we are lesbian, but who care she is my best friend and i love her. but eventhough we are best friend her parents don't really like me being her being friend until now i still don't know the reason why because she is my friend i respect her parents. Sometimes she have to lied for me whenever we go out together ..haha funny kan. ( now I'm the one who lie to go out ) just because her parents don't like me :( sad kan...but hmm now everything gone well, just now we are not so close anymore after she when to Australia and then we have a huge fight after than things changed. But in my heart she will always be my closest friend and i love her so much. 

However, I hated my secondary moments, there are too many things happened, things changed after I joined this competition DCT 07 , then i became a singing as i dream of being when i was young. Whenever i gotten it and my dream came true and now i'm someone :) things changed , it wasn't like i imagine. hmm nobody knows but me :(

Today we fought , his hurt by me. I hurt people, and somehow he kinda remind me that 'no one can tahan me' even my ex-bf dumped me and hurt me because of my perangai. Oh God , why i'm like this. I tried everything to make him happy , make him feel special and love but i failed. Now i don't know what to do but just shut up and being sad. Hmm people don't know the real me ?


Love
Me (ZL) 

FAMILY..

Family mean : a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family. According to Dictionary.com . Family mean everything to me, being part of my family is hard. For me even though sometimes there are problems that make us fight but at the end of the day Family is important no matter what. In my family , I'm the most naughty and the most stubborn among my siblings, i'm the one who always love to do things the way i wanted to without thinking and always taking the risk. I'm the one who always create a fight between me and my mum. I know most of the time i will hurt my her badly. But no matter what i will always love my family member, regardless how the way we being brought up , and I appreciate everything i have ,its just sometimes when a person is stress out, they will tend to hurt others. But when it comes to LOVE and family, we tend to choose LOVE than our family. This all begin whenever I started a relationship with the guy that i love. Because his different that the reason my family don't really agree with me being with him. Its sad ....no one know what i have been through and things that I faced were so difficult. However, Thank GOD i have an understand man that loves me and respect my family even though there are so many obstacles and challenges that me and him face. Its hard for me and its hard for him too. but however, we managed to solve it slowly , and hopefully one day my family can accept and know the good side of him.
I'm lucky to have someone like my boyfriend, who really sayang his family and me too. he brought me back to his home town and let me spend time with his family. He sometimes thought me allot of things and he always advice me. He always get mad whenever I fight with my family. He just want me to treat my Family good and always ask me to respect them, love and care for them. He shows me his family life and he let be live in his life. A guy who bring a girl back to see his family hehee:) Our love is so deep, but just this one problem with my family and his family, there are something his family don't like about me , and there are somethings that my family don't like about him, i can said its complicated .
Its normal to fight just remember not to hurt others especially your love once because they are the person who will be there for u till the end:) I just wanna said thank you to my sayang DIKI for loving and care for me all the time. I will always love you ,
love ME (ZL)

words from me

The funny things is whenever i have my own official private blog I tend to blog more , because I have the ability to write more using my own words and my language without anyone control my style :) Fuck whatever people said this is my blog and i love the way i write it :)

At first I was so afraid to speak out to my boss ,knowing his attitude love to turn things differently and make it his own way the way that he wanted too:) haha but things got to change this time I really need too..yeah just fuck it I malas to talk about it :) At the end I will make my decision and I will never regret whatever i made I have to be strong with what I stand for ... and I know my dream and I will never give up !!

Now is the time to figure things out , and know where I'm going... is the risk I'm got to take:)


Love,
ME (ZL)

Finally i started a new one

For so long i have been living under people's life , and i'm tired about it ... this blog is for those who are really close to me ...you  guys can really read my blog.:) i always love blogging , i have a blog, but i just can't be 'me' there, because of my career and what others wants me to be ....not being 'Me' :) i had always love writing my own blog the way i wanted too...but is just hard for me ...people who knows my life know how i really feel about my life.

In the year 2012 , my life had changed ,I grown up :) i can said that hehehe having the problem I'm having rite now, it's killing me inside many people thought every decision i made it's a mistake, and people manipulate me and wants me to do the ways things is....to be honest I'm going nuts , and i hate that so much, I'm stress out , and I'm not happy at all i just hate things going on right now.

Now that i had finally get to talk it out and finally make my decision to do what is right for me and doing something that i want to not what people want me to be ... Life got to change from now , I have been so stressful ..

My parents just wants the best for me and but their decision would be different and because I am still their little girl for them :) Still that small girl who can't think nicely and make decision for myself, but i got to do what I got to do to make myself happy and worthy for me to live with my life :)

my papa and mama:) 

To all my friends has been listening to my 'EMO' talk, thank you so much for being so patience :) I will always love you all..really I do , you all know who you are ....")


Last but not least is my sayang, the person I love so much, when he came in to my life, he thought me many things that no one can, he has been there for me ever since, he is the only guy understands me well , being patience with me ( tahaning the crazy 'Me') , love me so much , and care for me so much. Sayang you mean the world to me , and thank for letting me be in your life :) I will always love you sayang :) Diki my sayang :)
thank you so much for being there whenever I need you :)

Diki :) 

here you go wait for more update soon :) hehe.... these is where i write all my thoughts and feeling to those who love me just read for me and understand me, maybe sometimes it may sound harsh to anyone who read it , I'm so sorry , I just want to blog about my life :) If you love me let me do it :)

Love ,
'Me' (ZL)